It’s new iPhone season! And like the Christmas season, even if you don’t celebrate it, there’s pretty much no chance you’re not aware of it.

The release of a new generation of iPhone is a global cultural phenomenon, with people all over the world tuning in online just to watch it being announced. All the while, poor Santa Claus still has trouble just getting people to believe in him. But that’s not what we’re here to talk about.

There’s certainly no shortage of iPhone 6 reviews floating around the Internet—but we wanted to chime in with our own BigCom family take on it. So we rounded up four new iPhone 6 owners (but sadly no iPhone 6 Plus, since they’re backordered until approximately Back to the Future II times) for a casual, conversational group review.

Throwing their hats into the amateur tech journalism ring today, we have: Onna Cunningham, Director of Business Operations; Ryan Dwyer, Lead Outreach Executive; Blake Hicks, Digital Art Director & Front-End Developer; and Jordan Sowards, Senior Copywriter.

Jordan: Alright everybody, thanks for putting your pants on and coming to this little party. Let’s start out talking about the new iPhone 6 hardware, since that’s the most obvious new thing on most people’s minds. Overall impressions?

Blake: I am now . . . used to it. It took me a solid week and a half to get to where I didn’t feel like I was holding “not an iPhone.”

Jordan: I am not used to it. Even just a moment ago, I dropped it twice in a row when I was telling Brittany that we were coming in here to talk about this. Because of the thinness and the texture.

Blake: I dropped mine the first day, and I’ve been terrified of it happening again ever since.

Onna: I really like it. I think the new design is really beautiful, although yeah—it’s not the easiest thing to hold on to.

Jordan: It’s so insubstantial, I’m actually considering getting an OtterBox—which I have a fundamental aesthetic/moral objection to—just to beef it up a little.

Dwyer: It kinda reminds me of the original iPhone. The brushed metal, the rounded edges—and that was always my favorite iPhone in terms of looks, honestly. Which is why it sucks that this is the first iPhone I’ve ever felt like I needed to have a case. Because of how thin, how slippery, and how light it felt.

Jordan: So we all agree it’s thin and slippery.

Onna: Like Dwyer.

Dwyer: Yes!

Jordan: And while I love how big the screen is, I can’t say I love the larger form factor. I have huge hands, and things are still kinda hard for me to reach comfortably on the screen while holding the phone with one hand. And now it’s too tall to comfortably keep it in the front pocket of my jeans, which chaps my hide a little.

Blake: When I put it in my shirt pocket, I feel like Joaquin Phoenix in Her, walking around showing Siri how wonderful the world is.

Onna: That’s really cute though, so I’d consider that a positive.

Jordan: I’ll tell you what’s not cute, is these dorky white antenna lines piping around the back.

Onna: That’s a lot more noticeable because you got the gold.

Jordan: Yes, because I’m fancy.

Dwyer: Yeah, those lines do seem at odds with their whole clean, streamlined, modern aesthetic.

Onna: I was so sad that I felt like I had to put a case on mine, but at least the Apple covers are really nice. The design decision I really hate is the protruding camera lens.

Blake: I actually like that.

Onna: Yeah, I guess it’s kinda pretty, but it’s not functional. It makes you feel weird about setting the phone on the table.

Blake: I feel you.

Jordan: Okay, so the power button moving from the top to the side is also a major shift for those of us who’ve had iPhones in the past.

Blake: I mash it by accident all the time.

Dwyer: Yeah, I accidentally hit it constantly!

Onna: I actually love it because it’s easier to reach for me.

Jordan: With your tiny, tiny hands.

Onna: Yes.

Jordan: How are your tiny hands adjusting to the subtle shift in spacing on the new keyboard? Because I’m running wild with typos, since my muscle memory is very much programmed to the old layout.

Onna: Well, I type a lot in Spanish, and it’s actually way easier for that.

Blake: Even with your pinkies stuck out all the time?

Onna: Huh?

Dwyer: “And when I’m Googling on, it’s really great.”

Onna: Just in case any of you nerds actually cares to know what I mean, it’s because the spacing makes it easier to hold down the correct key for accents and stuff. So I’ve been texting with my husband and my in-laws in Spanish much more than we used to.

Dwyer: You know one thing I thought was really, really weird—can I see your phone for a second?

Blake: No.

Dwyer: Can I see your phone?

Onna: No.

Dwyer: Okay, never mind.

Jordan: Where is your phone?

Dwyer: I don’t know?

Onna: Well, at least you came prepared?

Jordan: Okay, that sound means we’re running out of time, so it’s time for the lightning round. What’s your favorite new feature?

Dwyer: Definitely the camera. I mean, the only thing I use it for is pictures of my kid and texting sexy pics back and forth with my wife, but it’s a game changer in that arena!

Jordan: And you don’t know where your phone is right now?

Dwyer: Umm . . .

Blake: Mine is the Touch ID capability. I know they had that on the 5S, but it’s new to me. And I love being able to unlock my phone, or buy games and music with my thumbprint. That is some serious Blade Runner [stuff].

Onna: Me too. I especially love it because my daughter can’t get into my phone. My 4-year-old has figured out every single passcode I’ve ever used—I’ve changed it like seven times—but obviously she can’t figure out how to break in now.

Blake: You’re gonna wake up missing a thumb one night.

Dwyer: “I’ve figured it out, mother.”

Jordan: Mine has to be the slow-motion video. Shooting at 240 frames per second lets you slow stuff waaay down. Like, early aughties Guy Ritchie speeds. It’s just a fun toy for me, but it’s a really fun toy. And the fact that iMovie was preloaded on it, so you can edit stuff on the fly.

But I guess a close 2nd would probably be the fact that, unbeknownst to any of us, my brand new iPhone 6 decided to stop recording our hour-long conversation just a few minutes in—so I had to make up pretty much everything you’ve read here after maybe the fourth line in our conversation. How’s that for a twist ending? Suck it, M. Night Shyamalan.

Happy new iPhone season, everybody!